Dr. Laura: For White People Who Have Considered Saying "Nigger" When Common Sense Was Enough

Apologies to Ntzotke Shange. I've been a Dr. Laura fan for years. I started listening to her show on WJR when I lived in Detroit.  I recall the first time I listened to the show and being appalled at her comments and thinking she was a horrible and mean person.  There were other advice shows on the air with hosts who were nice to their callers.  But Dr. Laura was not about coddling people as she handed out her moral opinions.  Though I at first found her objectionable, I kept listening and over time, came to appreciate the fact that she's actually a very insightful person.  In church language, she has a perceiver motive gift.  She can gain insight into a situation with only a bit of information or observation. And while she can be harsh and stern with her callers, I have again and again heard her on her show demonstrate tremendous compassion and empathy, at times towards people I didn't think there was any thing to empathize with them about. I have also heard her help a lot of people with her advice.  Don't let the Listerine delivery cause you to miss the value in her advice.

But Dr. Laura, like many of us, black and white, has a bit of blind spot when it comes to race. That blind spot was on display in this call to her show from a black woman married to a white man who called for advice about how to handle what she deemed racially insensitive comments from her husband's family and friends.  Check the audio.

Not surprisingly, Dr. Laura got a boatload of criticism for her response and subsequently apologized.
Her apology seemed sincere enough, at least in the reading of it.  But its clear from the apology and from the conversation with her caller Jade, that Dr. Laura was off base in a variety of ways that I'd like to lift up for some examination.  Responding to Jade, Dr. Laura asserts that black guys use the slur "nigger" all the time.

Schlessinger:"Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO and listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger. I don't get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it's a horrible thing. But when black people say it, it's affectionate. It's very confusing."

Jade: Is it OK to say that word? Is it ever OK to say that word?

Schlessinger: It depends how it's said. Black guys talking to each other seem to think it's OK.

Jade: But you're not black, they're not black, my husband is white.

Schlessinger: Oh, I see, so a word is restricted to race. Got it. Can't do much about that.

First, the main thrust of her argument to the caller which is often referenced by people in arguments about the slur "nigger", namely that  black people use it in conversation with each other, comics use it copiously and so on.  I'm sorry, but this is a stupid argument based on the false premise that black people routinely and casually use the word "nigger" to refer to each other. Its not true.   Despite the unfortunate prevalence of this racial vulgarity in popular culture created by and targeted at urban youth, many blacks find it to be an offensive and unwelcome vulgarity whatever the color of the person speaking. Dr. Laura actually attempted a bit of an argument for context which would have been somewhat sensible, but misapplied it. She jumped from raunchy black comics talking to adults in HBO programming to the blanket idea that black people use that terminology on each other routinely. Thats a leap.

People, this isn't complicated, its plain common sense.  I don't walk around thinking that it would be appropriate to use the word "bitch" in reference to women, despite the fact that I hear women saying it in the popular culture all the time and the same common sense logic applies here.  Moreover, Dr. Laura's point about observing black comics in pop culture programming using the term is an exercise in stereotyping.  While it is entirely true that black comics routinely use the word "nigger", that's a small subset of the black population. That group is not broadly representative of black Americans in general.  Yet Dr. Laura looks at  the raunchy language of black comics and extrapolates that to the entire black population.  Its inaccurate stereotyping. Some people observe that many urban youth commonly use the word "nigger" in reference to each other in casual conversation ,and that's accurate. However, its also true that most adult black people are chagrined and embarrassed by the way which this vulgarity has become very common in the everyday language of urban youth.  We wince at hearing it, just like we metaphorically throw up a little in our mouths every time we see young black men in sagging pants with their underwear hanging out. Popular culture amplifies this vulgar behavior, thus the mistaken idea that its common among all blacks. Its not.

Her caller, Jade, had a bit of a blindspot too.  Her comments suggested that she subscribed to the idea that using the term "nigger" was acceptable if you were black, but not if you were white. White people react to that because it seems arbitrary.  If its okay when a black person says it, why isn't it okay for a white person? The reality is that in 2010, there is a bit of arbitrariness to this unwritten social rule. But there is nothing magical about why it doesn't go over well when a white person uses this vulgarity for any reason. #1 We're not all walking around calling each other "nigger". I know pop culture tv shows and videos and comics make it seem that way, but you're extrapolating from the behavior of a subset of black people to the whole group.  The majority of the group does not behave that way. So if most of us don't routinely use the word nigger to each other (and we don't) white people have no basis to be mad when we object to you using it either. #2 history is relevant.  There was a time in America when you could be called a nigger by a white person and be killed if you dared to object.  That went on for a few hundred years.  Times have changed, but its no surprise that a word so bound up in a history of oppression, violence and degradation should have a continuing stigma and taboo attached to it. And even if you think "hey, times have changed, don't  be so sensitive", see #1 again. This is the point that Jade should have made to Dr. Laura in response to the bit about comics.

 The social stigma around the word "nigger" also mirrors a practical, commonsense reality which is that I can't really think of very many situations that call for the average white person to use the  racial slur "nigger" in a sentence around the average black person, for any reason. Just doesn't happen very often. And guess what, the same is largely true when black people are talking to other black people.  Simple self test you can try if you're a white person reading this: can you think of a situation where it would be appropriate to use the word "nigger" in a sentence in the company of any black person you know?  The reality is that the majority of black people don't go around calling each other nigger all day.  There is a subset of the population (urban youth) that refers to each other this way quite frequently, but they are not representative, merely more visible via pop culture.  So, if you share Dr. Laura's frustration that a white person simply is not permitted to use the word "nigger" without suffering severe social opprobrium,  get over it. You're laboring under a mistaken impression.

And oh yeah, for the record; I'm still a big Dr. Laura show fan. 

The Secret Lives of White People?

Dog the Bounty Hunter really stepped into the poo pile on this one. In a taped phone tirade during a conversation with his son, Dog tells him in no uncertain terms that he has to break off his relationship with a black woman he's been dating because they use the word "Nigger" and its too big a risk to their livelihoods to chance being caught doing so. To make it even more odd, he also tells him that other people would not understand their meaning when they say nigger, that its not meant to be pejorative, but they mean it some.......other kind of way...I guess.

And so began another of these increasingly prosaic and silly mini dramas of a white person caught out engaging in racially inappropriate behavior and going into full blown redemption seeking behavior (kind of like drug seeking). Its a pathetic spectacle to watch Dog do it and I think I'm equally disgusted with how gleefully willing the culture is to humor this nonsense, indeed to facilitate it.

He runs, crying, to Jim Storey, to Rev. Al, hangs out with Roy Innis and anyone else who is looking for an opportunity to be part of one of these sad little plays. As though they have any real consequence or meaning anyway. My take:

On Dog: Is he a racist? We all have our prejudices. I think most black people assume that most white people have a level of prejudice when it comes to black people, and that it would come as no surprise to them to hear the average white person they actually know express some viewpoint they would not otherwise say in mixed company because it would be considered a prejudiced sort of statement (indeed there are plenty of people who just go there and call you a racist). Sounds like Dog and his family have been calling black people niggers for a long time, since by his own statements to his son, its a commonplace thing to hear around his household. At the same time, I'm sure he has black friends, his minister is black (wonder how much the guy actually attends/participates in church life) and blah, blah, blah. He claims he says nigger around his black friends and that its always been cool. So is he a racist? Yeah, I guess so. Not the rabid lynch'em, castrate'em, kill'em kind, but that sort of everyday, practical I live my life smiling and talking in black people's faces but inside and in private I don't really respect them type. To me, the tape reveals that about him and that generally he is sort of a low class, undercultured sort of caveman. No self respecting black person I know will sit around sharing the word nigger with a white person and in my opinion no decent white person or one with any cultural sense gets comfortable with using the word nigger in casual conversation, whether the black people around them seem to accept it or not. And Dog has been that kind of private disrespecter of black people for so long, that he can casually use that word (which I guarantee that he rarely if ever uses to describe anyone but a black person) and think that it doesn't really mean anything or say anything about him, that he's not really prejudiced. Its an interesting form of denial, because at the same time, he is totally cognizant of the fact that if other people knew or heard this conduct, that it could mean the loss of his show, impact his finances and the whole deal. So he does know that there is something wrong with it, but figures he's okay as long as he is a private low life type. Interesting.

On the Son: Dog seems to be a bit of a low life, and I think like father like son. Tucker the son had been sent to prison at the age of 18 and served four years of a 20 year sentence for armed robbery before being released on parole. So he has questionable character out the box. He's a grown man, he's got a girlfriend and his Dad, out of concern that she is a bad influence and might lead him to violate his parole, advises him to dump her. So what does Tucker do? He tapes his Dad making all these funky remarks and then SELLS the tape to the Enquirer. All because his Dad doesn't like his girlfriend. He's over 18, he's grown and I don't think his Dad is taking care of him, so he could do what he damn well pleases. He could ignore his Dad, just stop talking to him or any number of things. But what does he do? Effectively destroys his Dads show and wacks his livelihood by SELLING the tape to screw his Dad over. Definitely a low life. You don't sell out your blood like that. Not over a girlfriend, over some chick you aren't married to, aren't engaged to, have no real commitment to and I'll be SHOCKED if in a year, he and this girl are still together. For her, he threw his Dad under the bus just because the guy is the private little racist he's always been. So he's a low life.

On the Girl: Dog was concerned about the girl and her character, what kind of woman she was and maybe he was right. Cuz, I don't believe for a minute that Tucker got the brilliant idea to sell his Dad out to the Enquirer like that on his own. He had inspiration and guidance and I think she was it. A theory only further solidified by the fact that she is now pursuing a lawsuit against the Dog for slandering her. This is the same sort of wack, silliness as the lawsuit by the brothers in the club after Kramer's racial meltdown, claiming they were "made afraid and emotionally damaged". Whatever. So since she is offended, she advises and supports her boyfriend to sell his father and other family down the river. She had every right to be offended, but what they have done was a low class sort of way to handle it.

On Dog's Redemption Tour: This is what really disgusts me about these episodes. It is a pathetic spectacle to watch this guy run around trying to find the magical media forgiveness formula to save his TV show and his self respect from any black person that will hold out to him the hope of absolution. I find it despicable that Roy Innis should rush to his defense, or that Sharpton entertain a conversation with him as though either of them have the power to convey absolution for all black people. All of this attention paid as though this pathetic family dysfunction meltdown was even important enough to have such a conversation. As though it is significant enough for such self appointed race champions to get involved with in the first instance. The shallowness of it all is evident in Sharpton's lack of interest in it. Clearly his calculation is that Dog is not a high profile enough racial offender to saddle up on and ride into the media spotlight. Dog runs around from program to media outlet, making his pleas for forgiveness and confessing the shame and regret of the caught (its not sincere, he was never this reflective in all the years he was casually saying nigger this and nigger that) crying and begging, and the culture happily piles on to watch him embarrass himself with this insipid groveling. It demeans him and it demeans the people who give it an audience and a forum.